I refuse to learn any new thing about life. This bird pooped on my face this morning. I cleaned it up and the water was nice on my face. I knew there was a lesson in there somewhere, but not for me. No, thanks, I am good. I am old (only 31). I have learned so many new things about life and even when I felt that I had learned it all, I kept learning new things – in new degrees. Life sucks? I learned that when I was 9. There is no limit to how much life can suck? I learned that at 19. Life can simultaneously suck and be great? I learned that at 25.
I just feel like I am a failure. I said to my doctor yesterday.
Well that’s your problem. You shouldn’t feel it. You should know it for a fact.
You don’t have to be mean.
I’m not being mean I’m being realistic with you and it’s time you started being realistic with yourself as well. Look around you. You’re 34 without a penny to your name.
I’m 31.
No you’re not. Look at you. No direction, no purpose, no pass. You are a failure.
But?
I said.
Are you stupid? There is no but. You keep waiting for buts. All your life. You’ve been waiting for a “but”.
Life can not suck and not be great and simply be bland and make you wish it were one way or the other? I learned this at 30. Anyway, I’m done learning new things. I simply refuse to. All of my misery can be traced to my eagerness to learn new things. What an idiot I was. I could have simply chosen to be like everyone else and not learn anything other than what life forced me to learn. And even then I wouldn’t really learn it I’d just let it wash over my mind like waves on a beach as it gets stronger at night and then recede in the morning. But I didn’t. What an idiot. Everyone is the same; they want to be different and that’s exactly why no one is ever really different? 21.
this awful misery shall not last
even more awful miseries shall follow
and then perhaps there may be calm
or perhaps more awful misery
or perhaps calm
Universe, if you’re trying to teach me something new you’ve got to try harder than this. I refuse to learn any new thing anymore.
