SOUTH
SOUTH of the river bank was where we sat amidst the crickets chirping and the siren blaring at the distance and the river so calm you’d think it didn’t hear the sirens blaring but it did because once in a while you’d see the ripples flowing in crests and troughs and I thinking yes this is very pertinent this is very pertinent to the situation and then I remember father saying there was no situation there was only us humans and what we make of things and me asking what the hell in my mind because I couldn’t dare ask it loud so I could only ask in my mind what the hell and so as the sirens blared and the ripples moved in crests and troughs I kept saying to myself there is no situation but it was a lie I never believed father all those time and I still don’t believe him now how could I when even back then it was obvious he only fitted his philosophy as clothes for his situations in which existence he couldn’t even bring himself to believe so that even though back then in the mornings in our house that was more like a hellhole he’d wake us all up at dawn saying get up you lazy bum get up before the buckets are all taken and then we’d get up and rush to get the buckets before the buckets were all taken and then imagine the look on his and our eyes when we find that we got the bucket but didn’t get the bathroom because one of the neighbors had secured the bathroom in hope that her children would secure a bucket and so we would all be at an impasse and another fiery negotiation would be made and then when shouts had been exchanged with no hope of food to restore the lost energy someone finally yielded which was mostly us and everybody loses but not without father insisting still that there was no situation because he had no choice but to be in control and say humans yes we humans control things things don’t control us humans but even back then he knew how wrong he was because even though he kept telling us it was my mother who chose the river we all knew it was the river that chose mother and mother had to go in.
EAST of the river I could see him smiling at me and saying yes its being a long time coming and I smiled back at him and said no it has hasn’t it’s just the perfect time but he didn’t agree and he only smiled and waved me to come and I decided I’d go and the river was so calm save for the occasional crests and troughs and the breeze blowing gently tickling my hair and I felt like going naked so I did and I could feel the breeze on my breasts and it was divine and the trees swayed beautifully on the river and there was a thrush perched on it but it did not sing and looked only so peaceful and beneath my feet was sand and I couldn’t wait to get into the river and when I looked up he was gone and all i was left with once again was the image the phantasm in my head belonging to both of them the hideous apparition with gorgeous eyeball and stubble beards and lips so fresh like something issued only by morning and after i fought with all my strength to get rid of that abomination I felt so sad I wanted to sink and I could feel my stomach clutch as if all the sadness in the world had knotted in my belly but then the thrush began to sing and the breeze blew faster and the trees danced and my legs itched so I started to run toward the river naked and the river was naked too and I thought yes there really are no situations but there really are no humans either we are all one and that was what mother knew and father found out and I’m just finding out so I ran faster and faster and for a second I couldn’t hear the sirens anymore just the thrush singing and the breeze blowing as I jumped inside the river naked closing my eyes feeling the lid move at their own pace like a beautiful chore you had wanted to get over with but having started you don’t want to end so you try your best to savor all the moment and less than moment in between and so I closed them gently or maybe it was they who closed me gently all I know is after we were done I could tell I was never ever going to open them again because finally something opened me
